I feel like I just swallowed the space -
full of emptiness, of vague nothingness
I tried to chase the faintest light left in me
I tried to imprison my thoughts to avoid the explosion
I tried to hold my breath for I do not want to poison the ones around me
but the toxicity within me grabbed every opportunity to liberate
I deeply apologize for the baning air
and for making you believe that breathing can take away your restlessness
because in reality it only leads you to extinction
stop sharing the same air with me
connected by some kind of force
both witnessed the same views
felt the same breeze
heard the same sorrows -
exhalation of the ones who make them their breathing space
they both bear the agony of beeing seen but not discovered
their only hope is a boat floating on their surface
they wanted it to see their depth,
to see the uniqueness of each river
but the boat of uncertainty is too scared to test the waters
so it remained floating in the middle
too afraid to choose only one direction
so it never reached its destination
just floats atop the two rivers without a paddle
perhaps the boat is confused
it felt the constant push of the one river,
reminding it how to keep going
and then felt the persistent pull of the other river,
guiding it back to reality
the boat is lost
it only wanted a steady flow for it was not yet ready to grow
and the two rivers heard its sorrow
they each gave way
braved all the forces that bind them to finally loosen up their connection
for they both wanted to give the boat enough space
but suddenly the boat sink in its own misery
and finally the two rivers are now free
from all the unsteady motion and half-love
for the very first time
they are not just seen but also discovered by themselves individually.
Constantly reminding herself
of self-respect and self love,
the things she cannot get
from the ones she truly love.
She will now burn bridges
and won't bother collect their ashes.
She had had enough.
She was beyond amazed
of his ability to connect with her inner self -
the true and unfiltered version hidden from mundanes,
and though they were not together anymore
her soul still feel at home with him.
How she wished
it won't have to look for another shelter.
Not just yet.
"Ang buhay ay sadyang ganyan. Umaaraw, umuulan"
Kinakanta ng paulit-ulit sa isip
umaasang minsan pa ay mahagkan
ang kakayahang tumingin sa positibong punto ng bawat ganap
ng bawat pagpapanggap
Oo, mapagpanggap ang mundo
ikinukubli sa ating paningin
ang mga dapat nating maaninag.
titigan mo ang nagpapanggap na paraiso
naghahanap na naman ng masisilo
paganahin ang paningin
di lamang sa pamamagitan ng mga mata
buksan mo ang damdamin
hayaang pasukin ito ng rumaragasang unos -
ulan ng masasakit na salita,
apoy ng naglalagablab na kabiguan,
lindol dulot ng pagyanig ng pananampalataya
akayin mo ang sarili mong mga mata
na masanay sa kulay ng buhay
at lumikha ka ng liwanag sa gitna ng paglalakbay
ng paglalakbay mo sa kadiliman ng mundo.
Huwag kang magtaka kung marinig mo ang pangalan mo sa kawalan
dahil sa tuwing hindi kita kapiling,
ibinubulong kita sa hangin
Huwag kang magulat kung nakikilala ka ng dagat
dahil palagi kitang ikinukuwento sa mga along maalat
Huwag mong masamain kung hindi ko madalas sambitin
ang mga salitang, "Namimiss na kita"
dahil kailanman ay hindi ka nawala sa'king isipan.
I was born to be something but enough
I am stuck
in a maze of expectations
wired to do things I do not like,
destined to embrace the chains of frustrations
that bind my own dreams.
I am made to be the doer of their facinations
of their illusions
of their own frustrations.
I am and can be anything but myself.